from the inside out: Archive

I hate this vulnerability. I hate this feeling.

May 7th

I’m a mess. But one day, I’m gonna be okay.

Apr 29th

Today, I really just wanted to kiss you. In front of everyone, I didn’t care. I can’t wait til you go to school here.

Mar 24th

We may have only gotten about 6 hours of sleep, but talking til 4:30am really helped. Made me appreciate you, and us, that much more.

Feb 18th

I am awkward. I can be pretty selfish at times. I lack confidence in a lot of areas. I am squeamish. I can’t even put my fingers together without feeling uncomfortable. I get mad at people when they’re upset with me, which doesn’t make sense at all. I always feel like I’m not good enough. I can go a day with barely eating and a day where I can’t stop. I get jealous...

Feb 13th

Apparently today is “No, you’re wrong and I’m going to sit here and argue with you and tell you why you’re wrong” day.

Feb 7th

I wish I didn’t feel like I am always competing against someone. I just wanna be okay with myself and my accomplishments. Ugh, it’s a Monday.

Feb 5th

It's official.

I am the most awkward person ever when it to socializing with people my age. I am better with children and older adults. Ugh, how ridiculous.

Jan 25th

Seriously?

My life.

Jan 21st

I’ve been watching the most superficial show ever, and then the very last scene made my heart melt. Cue day made.

Jan 4th

That amazing moment when I looked into your eyes and they matched my hoodie that you were wearing last night.

Dec 28th

It’s been three years that I’ve had this lip problem. It’s time for it to go away… seriously. On another note, this is going to be the most dysfunctional Christmas ever.

Dec 25th

I love my family, but damn… I need to get the hell out of here..

Dec 23rd

The stupid shit you post on facebook is ridiculous. No wonder I couldn’t stand you.

Dec 21st

I know we are apartment shopping for just you, but I honestly can’t wait for when it’s for both of us.

Dec 18th

All I want is to lay in bed, cuddling, you playing with my hair while I tickle your arms or legs or face.

Dec 18th

You are so ridiculous. You put me in the worst of moods. You are so hypocritical and get so pissy over everything. Maybe I’m tired of picking every movie and everything we do and eat and watch. But if I don’t want to choose, you get upset. Then when I choose, you get upset cuz it’s not what you want. Your husband just got home and you’re already getting upset with him and...

Dec 17th

“Just look over your shoulder, I’ll be there, always.”

Dec 12th

I hope to never see you.

Ever again. I felt like my heart was going to come out of my chest I was so scared. You crossed lines, and I will never forget that. You act like nothing has ever happened, but I will always remember. And that’s the saddest part about it. You do the harm, and I am the one left to deal with it.

Dec 12th

Pandora, you are doing an amazingly good job at playing all the right songs at the wrong time.. If I listen to “You’ll Be in My Heart” one more time, I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle it..

Dec 9th

“You’re my back bone, you’re my cornerstone You’re my crutch when my legs stop moving You’re my head start, you’re my rugged heart You’re the pokes that I’ve always needed Like a drum baby, don’t stop beating”

Dec 9th

Dec 8th

“And at last I see the light And it’s like the fog has lifted And at last I see the light And it’s like the sky is new And it’s warm and real and bright And the world has somehow shifted All at once everything looks different Now that I see you” My heart melts everytime I hear this song. This movie. Ugh.

Nov 28th

You know how I feel about her. You know what she has done to you. And yet you feel bad for her… But I can’t even be friends with M on facebook without you getting upset. Is that okay? Is that fair?

Nov 27th

I am getting a 2.5 in one of my classes. This can’t be happening… I have way too much going on. Seriously..

Nov 13th

I needed a night like last night. It was wonderful.

Nov 3rd

So...

because that last post was so negative, I wanna balance it. I love PSP. I love all the friends I am making. I am becoming a new, and better, person. I am more comfortable with myself and I can’t wait for all the memories that have yet to be made. I love my girlfriend. Nothing new, but I’ve seen her that past few weekends, and I still miss the shit out of her. Struggle bus, but a good...

Nov 1st

My life is a mess.

I just dont stop. Ever. I haven’t gotten home before 10 pm during the week in the past 2 or 3 weeks. I’m constantly tired and falling asleep in classes. I have no time to do homework until it is between 12am-2am. I have to go on these stupid ass dialogues, which after awhile, seem to be a waste of my time. I never to get to see any of my friends unless they are in the fraternity...

Nov 1st

B: “It’s definitely me, you are amazing beyond words, you care so much, and you make me so happy. I’ve always felt safe with you, and I’m able to be the best version of myself when I’m with you, you’ve helped me love myself and you always know how to cheer me up and make me laugh, I love all the little things you do that are uniquely you and I just love every...

Oct 8th

I skyped B for about 2 hours, then we talked on the phone for about 2 and a half and I still miss her…

Oct 6th

In other news, I bought B a locket necklace with the letter B on it. I know she doesn’t really ever wear gold, but I hope she likes it. It reminded me of her as soon as I saw it.

Oct 2nd

I just wanna quit. Be able to go to bed not worrying about a thing, and just sleep. Wake up in the morning, appreciating all I have and not caring about anything else.

Oct 2nd

Sep 25th

The only time you ever text me is when you are having problems with your girlfriend. How do you think that makes me feel? I have been nothing but supportive and a good friend to you and all I am to you is someone to bitch to when you have problems. Zero fucks are given when it comes my problems. You couldn’t care less about what is going on in my life. Because all you can think about is...

Sep 24th

So I thought that I had grown up so much since high school and that I had changed myself and got rid of most of my bad habits. But I really haven’t. I gossip, I focus on the negative, and make a big deal of nothing. I miss having the people around me in high school that would tell me what I was doing was wrong. Now I just have myself..

Sep 24th

I should probably stop being so passive aggressively mean to her… she is sometimes nice to me. And I probably take it to an unnecessary level. Now I’m the bitch. Wonderful.

Sep 22nd

“Oh, drama queen is getting her hair cut. Whoopdi-fucking-do.” I love my mom.

Sep 21st

B got into MSU’s med school program! This is the best thing that has ever happened. Besides her.

Sep 21st

I told J about B. And it honestly feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. She was totally cool with it and said that she would always be willing to try and get rid of the roommates for when B comes. My respect for J just increased drastically.

Sep 19th

I am already so sick of living with her. God, I was really hoping things would be different..

Sep 18th

Trying to figure out housing and where I am going to live next year is one of the most complicated and stressful things I have had to do college-wise. This is ridiculous.

Sep 15th

First post.

[[MORE]] This is my first post. And it’s going to be a long one. Here goes nothing. Basically I decided I needed somewhere to write my thoughts. So here’s my first shot at it. Today my mom calls me. She is telling me that she thinks I’m depressed. She thinks I need help. She is debating whether she wants me to stay away at school or if I should come home. She is worried because...

Sep 14th